Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
