if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
