they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
