Life is so much better after having sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
