Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize