i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
