lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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