Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
