Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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