the condom got lost in my hair
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
