kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize