You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
