i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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