Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
