I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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