i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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