wanna go halves on a baby?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
