She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
