she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
