this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
