I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
