I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
