it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
