im holly from the hills drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
