Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize