Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this boner is exhausting
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize