i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
