If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize