margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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