I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
