there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize