If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
