there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
