Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
