woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
