I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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