i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
