i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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