got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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