i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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