I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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