I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
