Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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