Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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