there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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