I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
