Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
