I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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