Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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