Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
