I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize