that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
