Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think i have two assholes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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