i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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