youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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