I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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